Wow i haven't wrote on here in forever... I been writing else where due to the sensitive subjects.
but anywho, thanks for reading and letting me share my world with you.
Subject @ hand "Attraction"
Where the hell does that come from?? lol seriously, i mean there is the people you meet and you are like wow they are gorgeous! but as you grow older you realize that looks aren't everything.
(and for you gold diggers, users, and abusers money isnt everything either but thats another day and page.. but yea lets get back on subject, please excuse my gemini mind.. lol)
As you grow older you realize you can't change ones thought and opinions. you can help the with that realization but thats it.
Atrraction..... the one that comes out of nowhere and says, " Hmm.. why havent i noticed you sooner.. lol.... that one. Its crazy. let me tell you a story.
I have this friend.... known him forever. great person.... quiet, so i thought... lol I used to pick on him alot kinda like helga from "hey arnold" if you remember that "Nicktoon" :) except for that part where she had that shrine in her closet. lmao! i'm not a stalker ppl.. but yea what drew me to him was that he was soooo quiet and reserved unlike me. It aggravated me so i thought. i couldnt figure him out. i just labeled him as weirdo.. lol I guess because we are so different.
One day i saw him out with a chic and it dawned on me... I felt a little jealous. I was confused. i thought why is this bothering me when i don't care.. maybe i do...
then i started flirting with him like months later and i was like whoaaaa, Aleeisha what are you doing? you don't flirt with ppl, they flirt with you.. then i started asking to hangout with him.. my mind was liike this is alll new---- different---- undiscovered. Its had always been the other way around. why because i hadn't always been the cutest thing ever growing up. i mean i didn't bother me because i was the joker. I love making ppl laugh. but every guy before him, they took the initiative. i've never had too. So me even admitting that i like him to him took me forever annd a day... lol.. i couldnt pull myself to do it. I was scared for some odd reason... i thought wow ima a ppl magnet and can make convo with a mime or even myself but i cant voice anything serious to him.... wow..
i enjoy being around him but i don't wanna overdo it since i feel that he has the upperhand now.. I don't like feeling vunerable.... I know what brought me to this point but to reverse it. I have to be understood and cared for. until then i'll be that funny tall cute chic that everyone knows me to be.
I sometimes find myself sensoring happiness or sadness out with a whatever attitude.. Its a cover up.. its been times where i might have wanted to give him a bear hug and tell him i was proud of him for being him.. but what do i do? keep it in like everything else. how do you transcend from not showing emotions because emotions will get you hurt again to showing them and playing russian roulette with your heart... and mind..
yea, i run and dodge anything emotional with all cost. i forgot how to genuinely open up my heart. how he keeps slipping in i dont know... the thing is he doesn't even know that i admire him and he puts a smile on my face even when i act unphased.
I've never like anyone that has a wonderful mind like mines. a thinker...
aight i don't feel like writing anymore. take care...
